It’s not always overt when the Universe responds. Rarely is the message a blinding neon sign in the sky that says: Go this way. Or follow this path. Instead, the message is subtle. So subtle in fact that it’s easy to mistake it for a coincidence. But when you see something at just the right time you need to see it, or something/someone comes into your life at just the time you need it one can’t help but wonder, is this a mere coincidence, or something more?
Yesterday’s existential crisis had me heading towards emotional, but as I look through my usual email newsletter feed, I noticed an article from Writer Unboxed that seemed to pertain to my thought processes that had led up to this existential crisis.
The article’s crux was essentially that a lot of us have this idea of how we should be doing something, or how far we should be on a project and this creates a spiral of guilt that in many cases make our work output even less frequent.
Part of my existential dread is that because I am not currently working on a project that this somehow means I cannot reasonably call myself a writer much longer. After all, if one doesn’t write every day are you even a writer?
My boyfriend made a similar point to the article, but the main takeaway I got from all of this is that ultimately not writing, or even not blogging with any kind of frequency, doesn’t make me a bad person. It doesn’t make me less of a writer. But if I’m only keeping up any kind of blog schedule because I should then I’m going about it all wrong. Why is it, I’ve published 3 blog posts in 2 days? Because I want to. I have a lot I want to talk/write about, and so here we are. Outside of my normal “timeline”. Because saying I’m going to blog these days and these days is tricky.
I’m not particularly known for being an optimistic person overall. I like to consider myself something of a realist, but I realize that I lean towards the more pessimistic side of things and honestly I’ve come to accept that about myself especially over this past year. Still in spite of everything, I can’t help but want to be, if not optimistic then cautiously optimistic about this coming year. I’m not altogether sure why, I’ve certainly never felt this way that I can remember.
Ironically or perhaps paradoxically to my credit, I have come to surround myself more and more with positive people. My best friend and co-podcast host Adrianne has always been an optimist, my boyfriend is an optimist, even my mother to a large extent is an optimist, as are some of my favorite co-workers. So there’s always a lot of positivity and optimism coming at me from all sides. Which is both nice and a bit odd.
I’m not sure I can ever be an optimistic person like they are. Whatever inspirational/motivational quotes would like to believe about the matter, I don’t think everyone is genetically predispositioned to be optimistic or even happy all the time. Prior to the year before last and even some of last year admittedly I didn’t think I was capable of being genuinely happy for more than a brief period of time. What I’ve learned however is that I can be, with help from those who love and care about me. It’s an odd thing to be a pessimistic person surrounded constantly by optimism, and maybe in some way it’s started to rub off on me, which is why I can feel even cautiously optimistic for the coming year. It’s refreshing, and I want to believe that it’s also a good thing that won’t disappoint me in the end, for now however I’m learning to live in the moment, and take things one step at a time.