Overwhelmed | GRWM

June was a rough month.

I say this, with full knowledge that it kind of goes against my current stance of trying to look at things from a more positive perspective. I’m working actively to put more positivity out into the Universe and for the most part, I think I’m doing pretty good, but I’d be dishonest if I said that June was anything but– rough. Though in hindsight, it’s difficult to point out why, exactly. Or where it even started. I don’t think the beginning of the month was necessarily that bad, but somewhere in the middle, I found myself overwhelmed with literally everything.

Work, writing, and my own self-imposed deadlines. There were no facets of my life that felt untouched by whatever was going on for me in June; and by the end, I was more than ready for the month to be over. Towards the end, I expressed this in a vlog I had intended to put up shortly after it was recorded, but somehow other, more pressing videos seemed to take over.

A few days before the end of the month, on our usual Sunday gathering, my good girlfriend, Adrianne and I got together and started recording a get ready with me style vlog. I had never filmed myself putting on makeup while I attempted to talk before. I had seen plenty of YouTuber’s do it, but being there– staring at yourself in a mirror much smaller than I had become used to (with my farsightedness anything less than two inches from a full-length mirror is tricky for eyeshadow), I found myself pausing more than I expected.

As it turns out, recording a video while you do your makeup is harder than it looks. There’s the whole matter of trying to both look at the camera and your mirror, and somehow hold a conversation all the while. As usual, I had written notes– detailed notes too, but as usual, I glanced at them in the beginning of the video to get a feel for the topic and main points and off I went.

On Sunday, I begin editing the video, watching it back, listening to us talk and I debate putting it up. On the one hand, it seems counterproductive to my work at positivity, on the other, it shows that positivity doesn’t just appear overnight. That trusting your gut, and the Universe, and working to put positivity out into the world can be a struggle. That you can still have times of uncertainty and feeling overwhelmed. It’s sharing a piece of my life that feels personal because it is, and I realize, I have to post it. Because it’s larger than me. Struggling with feeling overwhelmed and overworked and questioning your path are very real, and many often experience them, and that’s okay.

Hello Deadline My Old Friend

days3 copyAnother month down, and here we are again. I knew given everything it was a long shot. I’d offer an excuse for why I didn’t hit my deadline, but to be honest, I haven’t got one. I could say that March was just crazy, and I’ve been trying to get used to a new routine, but that doesn’t really feel sufficient.

The truth is, sometimes things don’t work out the way you plan them, so in a way I’m not all that surprised. I’m still working on getting things finished to be sure. And I’m excited to see where things go, I’m really excited, as I often am in the beginning, to be working on the line edits where I get to go line by line and really just eviscerate the novel with my red pen. That’s usually the fun part, the not so fun part is then having to go back and take everything out in the computer and rewrite the new things you have in there.

This is an easy enough problem to solve by simply editing in the computer in the first place, but a lot of times it just isn’t the same. For reasons I will never fully understand, line edits done in red pen are just better than the ones done  directly into the computer. That isn’t to say that I haven’t edited whole chapters in the computer and skipped the printed page, but more often than not I like to start with a print out and work my way back to digital.  I should note I’m not quite at the line edit stage yet, but I am excited for that part when it comes.

The Comfort of Knowing

monThis morning I woke up to the news, like so many others had two days ago, that the latest in ‘the Song of Ice and Fire’ series was not yet complete. (Why this appeared on my Facebook today, I have no idea.)

Now, I’ll admit, I have not yet had the opportunity to read any of the books in ‘The Song of Ice and Fire’ nor, have I watched any of Game of Thrones the very popular HBO series based on the series, but as a fellow writer, I couldn’t help but want to hear what George R.R. Martin had to say about why he hadn’t been able to complete the manuscript as planned.

There’s something comforting for me, as a new author, to know that even authors who have been doing this for years, who are well established and more importantly who’s books are very popular, sometimes struggle with deadlines, and getting a book complete. When I finished the latest draft of my novel just under the wire of my New Years self-imposed deadline, I did so, after spending the better part of 2015 trying to complete four chapters. I was sure, as anyone would be, that four chapters should have been far easier to complete, in far less time. But here we are, in the beginning of 2016, and I only just completed it.

So it’s comforting to me to know that even authors who have had years more practice than me, find themselves in the same positions when it comes to the difficulties of completing a novel. Now, I daresay that I am in no way comparing myself to Mr. Martin, nor am I suggesting that my books are anywhere near as long, actually, I’m a little disappointed with the length, and since I’ll start another round of final edits in February, I’m hoping to fill in some gaps wherever I find them.