Over the weekend I read a fabulous blogpost from a trans blogger discussing how more often than not trans people are always looking to be at the end of their transition, and how that can lead to rushing things and making mistakes we otherwise wouldn’t have made had we given ourselves a little bit more time.
I hadn’t even considered it although I realize now that I’ve been so focused on wanting to be passed my transition that I haven’t really given myself time to appreciate all that I’ve accomplished. I’ve been living full time now two years, and I’ve been on hormones almost a full year at the end of next month, it’s been a year now that my name has been legally changed and around I think July or something will be a year since my name change/gender marker was updated on my ID. This past session marked the halfway point of my laser hair removal for my face, and I’m going on two years of wearing acrylic nails nonstop which isn’t particularly important but still noteworthy I think.
Actually, when I really stop and consider my transition there really is only one major thing left to do. Top surgery is less important to me now than it was 11 months ago, and part of that is, I think largely due to the effects of hormones; I still would like to do it, but it isn’t as urgent to me as bottom surgery is. (Given the financial ability, I’d do them both at the same time).
I’m trying to learn to be patient with myself, simply because I don’t have the financial means to afford any surgery at the moment, and even if I did, I have a significant amount of weight to lose before the surgery will be possible/sensible/advisable, and so that’s another goal that I’m working towards. But as far as transition goes, and as far as everything else goes, I’ve done the majority of what I need to, and that’s kind of weird to consider. A lot of it felt so daunting and far off in the beginning and now that I’m where I am, it’s almost hard to imagine how fast it went by. It’s nice to be able to stop and smell the roses and appreciate what you’ve accomplished, and sometimes, that just takes someone else to remind you. This isn’t a race, or a competition, it’s a journey of self discovery; it can be frustratingly slow at times, but in hindsight you realize just how fast it all went by.
There is of course, still a part of me that would rather be post transition than still waiting to feel like things are complete, but all things considered, I’ve come a long way, and that’s exciting.