Doing What I Can

days copyThere’s a lot that takes time with regards to my transition. There are aspects that one simply can’t do, often for monetary reasons, for longer than you’d like. So for me, part of this process, is working on the things that I actually can work on in my life. Like my weight. It’s always been an issue I’ve been self conscious about, for as long as I can remember, and from a medical perspective, you’re not exactly an ideal candidate for surgery, particular major surgery when you’re over a certain weight. So getting myself on track to a healthy weight has become one of the most important steps I can take for my transition and surprisingly one of the most difficult.

Changing my name and gender marker, even getting on hormones were fairly simple processes as far as my transition has gone so far, but I know that in order to feel complete in myself there’s still more left to be done, and that means working on my health. It’s not going to be easy. Without giving you too many details I’m about 60lbs. over where I need to be. It’s certainly not an impossible task of losing sixty pounds, I don’t currently have a time limit over my head, although before 2021 when I will be 30, is sort of my major goal of having my transition sorted out. That gives me approximately the better part of five years in which to do everything, though if I can do it in less that would be spectacular.

Suffice it to say I’m not about to become some diet blog or anything, but I think tracking my progress here will probably afford me some kind of accountability that I otherwise probably wouldn’t have. As a general rule I don’t believe in diets per se, it’s about making smarter decisions for myself and actually having some kind of exercise routine regularly. I had great success with it early last year, and if I had maintained it, I might actually be where I need to be now, rather than starting over from the beginning, but such is life. There’s no looking back. My relationship with food has been a complex one for as long as I can remember, and stress eating has been something I’ve done for years.

Now at nearly 25 (quarter of a century) I realize that beyond being totally unhealthy for me on principle, stress eating is just a really bad way for me to handle the issue. Indulging in a little chocolate or sweets now and again isn’t the problem either. It’s overindulging in fast food in part for it’s convenience, and in part because it makes me feel better (until I eat too much and want to explode). I know what my problems are, I know where the pitfalls are, I largely gave up soda years ago, and while this helped in some ways with my weight at least initially it seems I made up for the loss of soda by adding worse and worse food choices. This won’t be easy, but I have to know that in the end it’s worth it because it brings me one step closer to my ultimate transition goal.

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